In this week-long stormy weather, where I'm stuck in the house and have been mostly inside my room, it's the perfect time to unwind. Not think about work for a while and instead, cuddle over a good book, dance to party beats like crazy, have a movie marathon or cry over a guy in a fetal position.
Indeed, that escalated quickly. My emotions can be unpredictably crazy at times and trust me, I am working on it.
Two nights ago when I was having a hard time to sleep, I decided to make a tuna sandwich and had red wine just because it was the first drink I saw inside the refrigerator. I was also munching on reese's chocolates while drinking so no surprise at all when I attempted to do yoga after, I couldn't hold the tree pose position.
Feeling dizzy, I laid down trying to sleep but I felt this urge to look out my window. The view is that of our street, three quiet houses parallel our house and an empty lot beside our house with coconut and mango trees. It was midnight and it was a peaceful sight. Completely opposite the churn of my heart.
And then I started crying and babbling to myself while looking outside. Don't give up on me. Why would you. How could you. Please don't give up on me. And I cried once more because of how pathetic I was being. And cried again out of confusion.
And the voices of people echoed in my head.
Why do you still like him? I imagine you with a man not a boy.
Why do you still like him? That was so long ago.
Why do you still like him? He's not even cute.
You were friendzoned.
Why would you cry over him, you weren't even together.
If he can prioritize his studies over you then what's to stop him from prioritizing his career over you?
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
What about other people who like you? Give them a chance.
And I crescendo-ed to diverting my thoughts elsewhere.
The truth is, I am not blinded by love. I don't think I have ever been in love. I know I told my colleagues that I don't believe in marriage but that doesn't mean I don't believe in love. I believe in it, yes, I mean it's love, not Santa Claus, to quote 500 Days of Summer. Having the capacity for it is a different thing.
And because I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, I did the only thing I know best - I slept it off.
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
El Hombre Buddies Reunion: Hike to Mt. Tagapo
The little I can say why our group is called as such is due to a night of laughter and embarrassment starring four girls with the embarrassing part centered on me.
Two years later, the four of us, on a whim decided to finally go hiking one rainy Saturday afternoon. We excluded alcohol this time from the list of 'fun activities to-do' but later you'll find out that alcohol just can't be escaped especially when a group's name is that of a brand of tequila.
The four of us, Maan, Lets, Nina and yours truly, decided to go hiking, at night, plus a guide whom Maan communicated with via text. Never mind that only Maan was the only one who knew where we were going, never mind that Lets, have had no workout whatsoever, adding that Nina was extremely hesitant and late, and with myself being occasionally paranoid about worst case-scenarios.
At around 5pm, from Angono Plaza, we rode a jeep to Binangonan Fish Port. Inside the jeep, we pointed out the list of things that we forgot - flashlights, a can opener, all advantageous to our survival. But being a bunch of hippies we just looked at each other, and laughed an awry laugh.
At the Binangonan Fishport, we were seated at a boat which was halfway filled with people. It was past 5pm but it was only after an hour after it sailed. The one hour wait was patience-testing and nerve-wracking. We understood that it had to fill the unoccupied spaces but seeing a gas tank being brought to the boat was just testing. Nina whispered to me her hopes that what will happen won't be a Final Destination movie. I told her to shush it and added to say that it won't happen, trying to convince her and essentially, myself.
Our worries weren't over for there was a motorcycle being brought to the boat. Letlet mentioned that a tricycle was to be transported next, followed by a jeepney. Nina said that the motorcyvle, placed on one end of the boat which we were facing, will be what will run the boat. I said that once the boat was fully occupied, paddles will be distributed to everyone on board and we will have to get to our destination in three days.
The boat ride was pleasant. It was my first time to geographically take in the view, to appreciate the fish port, although the water was far from clear. I was envisioning how this will all look like on top view. I observed the hills and the mountains, questioning which lucky mountain would gloriously experience having me, @ninyathegreat to hike it.
We finally were at Barangay Janosa, Binangonan, Rizal after an hour. After paying the boat fair which was 30php, A Kagawad who was on board the boat with us, approached us, introduced himself and said that we needed to register at the barangay hall first.
As passengers alighted the boat, we noticed several people, a group of 15, were wearing professional hiking gears and were asking aloud if 'they' meaning us were climbing Mt. Tagapo too. The four of us didn't answer, but I'm sure we were all thinking the same thing. "We are saved."
At the barangay hall, we paid 20php each for the registration. The other group asked if we were coming with them, I said, "Please, if it's okay." They said "Yeah, the more the merrier."
We learned that we were to have only one tour guide, Kuya Archie, and his ten year old son, Armin. While the other group was eating banana, to load up on potassium, the four of us were led to Kuya Archie's house, near the barangay hall were talking amongst each other that we are ill-equipped and that it is an itsy bitsy bit embarrassing.
Later on, the other group formed a circle and invited us to pray with them. At 7pm, it was decided that we start with the hiking trip.
Nina and me were paired and trailed behind the other group. It was not that dark then and we were living off the other group's source of light. Maan and Lets were right behind.
Thank God though, that I didn't forget to fully charge my phone because it has a built-in flash light. Nina was using whatever light is coming from her phone. I don't know about Maan, but Letlet's phone also has a built-in flash light. She also has this tiny cookie-shaped key-chain that emits light just enough to realize that the light isn't sufficient enough.
The hike began well, with Nina and me still being able to talk, I was telling her about the hike to Mt. Banahaw, how it was way more difficult because we hiked while it was raining. Later on, all that can be heard from the both us is our heavy-breathing.
Some of the highlights, of the two-hour hike was Letlet puking so the people hiking near her had to stop and assist her. Especially Maan. At one stop where Letlet stopped so that she could sit down and catch her breath, I got to talk to Kuya Randy who was so kind enough to lend me the head flashlight he was using in exchange for my phone. He said he couldn't help it after hearing how heavy I was breathing.
Nina and I reached the camping site at around 9pm and boy were we extremely happy. A group of Pakistani hikers greeted us and asked to which group we belonged to. I blurted out 'the lone group'.
Maan and Lets arrived 20 minutes later. Kuya Archie, Armin, Nina already set up the tent where they could rest unto.
Kuya Randy's group invited us for a few shots and a hot monggo meal after to which we accepted gratefully. We woke up at before 4am to reach the summit which is a 5 minute hike from the camping site and viewed the sunrise.
This is a first to one of our monthly hikes as a group.
Two years later, the four of us, on a whim decided to finally go hiking one rainy Saturday afternoon. We excluded alcohol this time from the list of 'fun activities to-do' but later you'll find out that alcohol just can't be escaped especially when a group's name is that of a brand of tequila.
The four of us, Maan, Lets, Nina and yours truly, decided to go hiking, at night, plus a guide whom Maan communicated with via text. Never mind that only Maan was the only one who knew where we were going, never mind that Lets, have had no workout whatsoever, adding that Nina was extremely hesitant and late, and with myself being occasionally paranoid about worst case-scenarios.
At around 5pm, from Angono Plaza, we rode a jeep to Binangonan Fish Port. Inside the jeep, we pointed out the list of things that we forgot - flashlights, a can opener, all advantageous to our survival. But being a bunch of hippies we just looked at each other, and laughed an awry laugh.
At the Binangonan Fishport, we were seated at a boat which was halfway filled with people. It was past 5pm but it was only after an hour after it sailed. The one hour wait was patience-testing and nerve-wracking. We understood that it had to fill the unoccupied spaces but seeing a gas tank being brought to the boat was just testing. Nina whispered to me her hopes that what will happen won't be a Final Destination movie. I told her to shush it and added to say that it won't happen, trying to convince her and essentially, myself.
Our worries weren't over for there was a motorcycle being brought to the boat. Letlet mentioned that a tricycle was to be transported next, followed by a jeepney. Nina said that the motorcyvle, placed on one end of the boat which we were facing, will be what will run the boat. I said that once the boat was fully occupied, paddles will be distributed to everyone on board and we will have to get to our destination in three days.
The boat ride was pleasant. It was my first time to geographically take in the view, to appreciate the fish port, although the water was far from clear. I was envisioning how this will all look like on top view. I observed the hills and the mountains, questioning which lucky mountain would gloriously experience having me, @ninyathegreat to hike it.
We finally were at Barangay Janosa, Binangonan, Rizal after an hour. After paying the boat fair which was 30php, A Kagawad who was on board the boat with us, approached us, introduced himself and said that we needed to register at the barangay hall first.
As passengers alighted the boat, we noticed several people, a group of 15, were wearing professional hiking gears and were asking aloud if 'they' meaning us were climbing Mt. Tagapo too. The four of us didn't answer, but I'm sure we were all thinking the same thing. "We are saved."
At the barangay hall, we paid 20php each for the registration. The other group asked if we were coming with them, I said, "Please, if it's okay." They said "Yeah, the more the merrier."
We learned that we were to have only one tour guide, Kuya Archie, and his ten year old son, Armin. While the other group was eating banana, to load up on potassium, the four of us were led to Kuya Archie's house, near the barangay hall were talking amongst each other that we are ill-equipped and that it is an itsy bitsy bit embarrassing.
Later on, the other group formed a circle and invited us to pray with them. At 7pm, it was decided that we start with the hiking trip.
Nina and me were paired and trailed behind the other group. It was not that dark then and we were living off the other group's source of light. Maan and Lets were right behind.
Thank God though, that I didn't forget to fully charge my phone because it has a built-in flash light. Nina was using whatever light is coming from her phone. I don't know about Maan, but Letlet's phone also has a built-in flash light. She also has this tiny cookie-shaped key-chain that emits light just enough to realize that the light isn't sufficient enough.
The hike began well, with Nina and me still being able to talk, I was telling her about the hike to Mt. Banahaw, how it was way more difficult because we hiked while it was raining. Later on, all that can be heard from the both us is our heavy-breathing.
Some of the highlights, of the two-hour hike was Letlet puking so the people hiking near her had to stop and assist her. Especially Maan. At one stop where Letlet stopped so that she could sit down and catch her breath, I got to talk to Kuya Randy who was so kind enough to lend me the head flashlight he was using in exchange for my phone. He said he couldn't help it after hearing how heavy I was breathing.
Nina and I reached the camping site at around 9pm and boy were we extremely happy. A group of Pakistani hikers greeted us and asked to which group we belonged to. I blurted out 'the lone group'.
Maan and Lets arrived 20 minutes later. Kuya Archie, Armin, Nina already set up the tent where they could rest unto.
Kuya Randy's group invited us for a few shots and a hot monggo meal after to which we accepted gratefully. We woke up at before 4am to reach the summit which is a 5 minute hike from the camping site and viewed the sunrise.
This is a first to one of our monthly hikes as a group.
Monday, 13 May 2013
Creeped Out
“We are old and mature; we can talk about these things” says Ray in a loud voice, obviously directing the statement at me. He was justifying his vulgar language about a female celebrity on the cover of a men's magazine.
I don’t mind sexual jokes, especially with my girl friends, but coming from someone I barely know and with the object of the joke as me, it is just plain creepy.
I think it started with a personal question asked out of nowhere.
“Do you favor the idea of live-in?” asked Ray, to whom I answered, “I don’t know, but I’m sure my dad would kill me.” I fired the question back at him and to two other fellow employees at lunch, thinking to myself that it might just be a random question that would spark an intelligent discussion. The direction didn't head that way.
The stream of personal questions didn’t stop there. One time at the office, in front of other employees, he asked if I had a boyfriend and I answered, “No.” thinking that it might just be out of curiosity as this question was previously asked of me before by other employees. He then had a follow up question which was if I drink. I answered, “I do, but I don’t drink with men.” I uncomfortably asked why he was asking me these things but he just evaded the question.
Probably the most offending thing Ray did, to which I let slide because I would like to believe in the goodness of people, was when he maneuvered to sit beside me, got hold of my computer keyboard and said that he wanted to let me read something. Curious, I asked if it was about technology. He said that it was. When I finally saw the title of the article, I was irritated and put on an annoyed smile, read the article quick and then asked him, “So, what’s your point?” He then babbled an incongruous reply. The title of the article was 'The Problem with Virginity.'
There were two occasions that he complimented my outfit but instead of feeling flattered I felt creeped out, both times. The first one, he said that he appreciates what I’m wearing and that I should wear outfits like that more often. I told him, “Well after hearing that I think I might have to burn this top after I’ve used it.”
The second time, he said that he likes what I’m wearing and even offered unsolicited advice as to what shoes I should wear to match my top. He repeated his marvelous idea around three times that day and told others that what I needed was lipstick, a blush on and eyeliner and then I could pass for a rocker chick. I told him, “Well, pay me a large amount of money and then I’d do it.”
There were still many disturbing things he did, and after looking up the official description of sexual harassment at the United Nations website, it's just sad that what he did fell under sexual harassment.
I don’t plan to make a big fuss out of it, but I am ignoring him now, he has a younger sister after all and I will in the future talk some sense to him, somehow.
After all, it did come from his own mouth that 'we are old and mature' even if he doesn't have the slightest bit of idea what those two adjectives connote.
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Comfort Music
If you have a job like I do, sitting in an air-conditioned room 9 hours a day coming up with copies, I'm sure you do things that stimulate your brain cells without being overly distracted.
Just like how I was back in college when coming up with term papers, I listen to instrumentals and let the creativity flow.
Here are my favorites in no particular order:
1. The complete soundtrack of Amelie by Yann Tiersen
4. The Intouchables complete soundtrack
Just like how I was back in college when coming up with term papers, I listen to instrumentals and let the creativity flow.
Here are my favorites in no particular order:
1. The complete soundtrack of Amelie by Yann Tiersen
2. A Kaleidoscope of Mathematics by James Horner
3. Forrest Gump Theme by Alan Silvestri
5. Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell
6. The Secret Garden soundtrack - Awakening of Spring { the complete soundtrack is good! :) }
6. The Secret Garden soundtrack - Awakening of Spring { the complete soundtrack is good! :) }
7. Philip Glass the complete Metamorphosis Album performed by Branka Parlic
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Unfazed
Browsing through my previous blog posts, I felt sad yet unsurprised
at how I described myself as broken.The days I spent angry and
depressed although vivid are things of the past. I then felt relief and
joy knowing that I don't hold grudges anymore or even spend time writing
about negative things.
Nowadays, I don't even want to stay mad. There are things
that irritate me, but I do things to lessen my irritation. I also do
things to keep me happy.
I just don't see the point
anymore in wallowing in sadness and anger. Life is too short and
unexpected that I don't want to live a day that I'd regret.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Thanks Sis
I was at a bookstore earlier with my sister, having to photocopy a bunch of my ids when my sister who had a nice looking fellow lined up beside her, looked at my passport and blurted:
Baboon: Why does your passport have a letter M on gender?
Moi: Because I had a sex change recently, did you forget?
Baboon: Was this the time you shaved the upper part of your eyebrows and looked weird?
Moi: ....
Away from the bookstore I tell her:
Moi: Why didn't you just blurt out if that time was the time I had a menstrual stain or if it was the same time I forgot to shower and brush my teeth or if it was the time I was still a hobo.
Baboon: Why does your passport have a letter M on gender?
Moi: Because I had a sex change recently, did you forget?
Baboon: Was this the time you shaved the upper part of your eyebrows and looked weird?
Moi: ....
Away from the bookstore I tell her:
Moi: Why didn't you just blurt out if that time was the time I had a menstrual stain or if it was the same time I forgot to shower and brush my teeth or if it was the time I was still a hobo.
Why Dad likes Talking to Me
Dad: Were you able to give Wylo the Tim Tam chocolates?
Moi: Not yet.
Dad: Why not?
Moi: Because, I offered the Pili nuts first and they have to finish that first. And also because I didn't appreciate the way Wylo asked for it. Kidding.
Dad: You should pity her and Erica, their parents aren't around.
Moi: Take pity? I do. Like when I wanted to watch something else on tv, but I told Erica, 'don't change the channel, even if what you're watching sucks.' Or when I asked Wylo for water, and she did but forgetting to put a pinch of lemon to it, so I so kindly marched back to the kitchen myself to do just that while I looked daggers at her.
Moi: Not yet.
Dad: Why not?
Moi: Because, I offered the Pili nuts first and they have to finish that first. And also because I didn't appreciate the way Wylo asked for it. Kidding.
Dad: You should pity her and Erica, their parents aren't around.
Moi: Take pity? I do. Like when I wanted to watch something else on tv, but I told Erica, 'don't change the channel, even if what you're watching sucks.' Or when I asked Wylo for water, and she did but forgetting to put a pinch of lemon to it, so I so kindly marched back to the kitchen myself to do just that while I looked daggers at her.
Dirty Minds
Today at breakfast we were talking about fingernails when my 8 year old niece shared something about her teacher:
Wylo: My teacher said that he knows someone with long nails in his pinky finger to use for
Me: Eww, is it gross? Don't say it.
Lola: I think I know what you're going to say, you don't have to mention it.
Wylo: To use for pressing the tiny button on his CPU.
Lola and me: Oh....
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Just dad
Dad: When you get your first paycheck, you have to treat Bea and me.
Me: No, I'm donating everything to the Church.
Dad: What? You do know that the Church only donates 20% to charity and the rest is for operations, for the Vatican, for fattening the bank accounts of....
Me: Not the Catholic Church, a Born-again Christian Church
Dad: It's the same thing. Do you know that Christian Church leaders drive 2-4 cars, live in very big houses...
Me: I was kidding. I just don't want to treat you and Bea.
1st Week, 1st Job
It has been a week since I started my first job and I must say that so far, I am liking it.
I was warmly welcomed by the Merchandising and Creatives team and I get a table to myself in a spacious room with a fellow copywriter who has been very helpful. Most call him 'attorney'as he has taken one semester of law. I called him attorney today when I was inviting him for lunch and he said that I was starting to join the bandwagon. It's interesting to note as well that attorney and I share the same dream, we both want to get a masters degree and a doctorate degree and would want to teach eventually.
The most interesting thing in the office is a pair of 3-inch high black boots that looks like Lady gaga would own which serves as a vase for a fake bouquet of flowers. I don't think any office has the same interesting object to smile at once in a while.
The desktop computer which was assigned to me already had problems when I used it this Monday and it officially gave up and crashed yesterday. Now I'm at the desk of my boss staring at three cute rubber duckies that could all fit perfectly in one palm. She actually has her own office and laptop at the second floor but also has a desk with a computer in our room at the third floor just so she has a space close to the writers.
It was funny on my second day when Ray and Ray, yes we have two of them at the department and asked about my love life after sharing about theirs. One Ray, who was shocked upon hearing that I don't have one, asked, 'Hah? so nbsb ka?' I laughed and said yes. The issue was brought up again at lunch time, the following day probed into by different peeps from the department. This time I was asked why and I said, 'I just want it that way.' They all started teasing another female employee, Joe who doesn't have a special someone at the moment too teasing her that at least mine is by choice.
Although I said that I would delete my facebook after graduation, the creatives team and I have added each other already and I don't think I will delete it now as it's a way to get know this new set of professional family.
(5 April 2013)
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