Indeed, that escalated quickly. My emotions can be unpredictably crazy at times and trust me, I am working on it.
Two nights ago when I was having a hard time to sleep, I decided to make a tuna sandwich and had red wine just because it was the first drink I saw inside the refrigerator. I was also munching on reese's chocolates while drinking so no surprise at all when I attempted to do yoga after, I couldn't hold the tree pose position.
Feeling dizzy, I laid down trying to sleep but I felt this urge to look out my window. The view is that of our street, three quiet houses parallel our house and an empty lot beside our house with coconut and mango trees. It was midnight and it was a peaceful sight. Completely opposite the churn of my heart.
And then I started crying and babbling to myself while looking outside. Don't give up on me. Why would you. How could you. Please don't give up on me. And I cried once more because of how pathetic I was being. And cried again out of confusion.
And the voices of people echoed in my head.
Why do you still like him? I imagine you with a man not a boy.
Why do you still like him? That was so long ago.
Why do you still like him? He's not even cute.
You were friendzoned.
Why would you cry over him, you weren't even together.
If he can prioritize his studies over you then what's to stop him from prioritizing his career over you?
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
What about other people who like you? Give them a chance.
And I crescendo-ed to diverting my thoughts elsewhere.
The truth is, I am not blinded by love. I don't think I have ever been in love. I know I told my colleagues that I don't believe in marriage but that doesn't mean I don't believe in love. I believe in it, yes, I mean it's love, not Santa Claus, to quote 500 Days of Summer. Having the capacity for it is a different thing.
And because I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, I did the only thing I know best - I slept it off.
