Flattered?

“Ang ganda nga niya eh. Ang tangos ng ilong niya, parang may lahi.” – Jay complimenting my niece.

“Ang cute nga niya eh, para akong may Korean na anak” –Mom to Bea

“Mukha kang taga Middle East. Ang ganda kaya ng race nila.” –A friend to me.

We are all guilty of inferiority complex and we all believe that other races are superior to ours evident in how we compliment our fellows and how we feel when the compliment is directed at us.

I am guilty of it and I don’t feel proud about it.

Can’t we just compliment our fellow Filipinos by saying that they look beautiful period. I long for the time when it would be the norm that Filipinos would use adjectives instead to express their liking for an aesthetically pleasing face.

“I like how Noah looks because his sleepy eyes are always mysteriously expressive. I never know what he thinks from his eyes except that he avoids mine especially when we have more than 30 seconds of eye contact. I also like his particularly small mouth that when he leaves open reveal his perfect teeth and I am guilty of thinking what it would feel like to kiss him.”

Okay, well not everyone can produce such words to another individual they mean to compliment especially when they do not know the person much. Plus the fact that a person gets more beautiful the more we get to know them.

I do appreciate compliments like, “Ang ganda ng face niya.” Simple. No bullshit. The person may be being very up to the point or maybe having a difficulty in being intricate but at least that person didn't associate beauty to a foreign face. Maybe it’s just that, sometimes we associate beauty to foreign races because it is the surest way of being persuasive so that the compliment can be accepted easily. Because they have that misconception that ideal beauty is anything but Filipino beauty. Colonial mentality will always be deep-seated in our system and it’s just sad.

Kids? Pshh.

“They are mere kids.”

They are just kids so we must not punish them. They are just kids so we let them slide every time they commit a mistake denying the very fact that the act of letting them slide confuses the child’s perception of the morally correct, of the rightful standards and of the proper way of treating other people. Not correcting the wrongful action of the child is denial of that child to improve himself and to mature psychologically. We rob the child of what could have been an opportunity for them to rise up after a fall. We rob the child of redeeming himself after committing a forgivable mistake. We rob the child of wisdom.

 They steal something, we don’t lecture them. Why, no we won’t. They lie, we don’t correct them. Absolutely no. They throw or waste their food, we just laugh at them. We do not at the slightest attempt try to inculcate values upon them. It would be unthinkable. It’s not accepted, not in this house. That would merit corporal punishment and in this house you’d get 20 to life if you as much tell your nieces that stealing from others is wrong, that saying bad words is unbecoming, that being lazy of household chores is unfair to all members of the family who are doing their assigned responsibilities. Because ladies and gentlemen, in this house we put a premium on emotions. This house believes that emotions control us and guide our decision-making. Feelings come first before truth and facts.

 I never heard of a judge who acquitted a molester just because he felt pity towards the disabled perpetuator. The molester has to face the consequences regardless of the fact that he had needs, regardless of the fact that he was oblivious of the law.

Maybe that’s why here in the country, certain politicians want to push for a law that would impose a heavier punishment to minors who have committed crimes because once they get out, after being rehabilitated or sometimes just an overnight stay at the children’s desk, syndicates use them as instruments to exact crimes all over again. Because, hey. What have they got to lose? They are just minors right.

“They are just kids.” Yes and Lucipher was once an angel.

Words to the Unwise

“Stop being stubborn okay. Please go to Church.” Such lovingly hurtful words from a Methodist.

“Why so?”  I ask, even if I am fully aware of the answer having been a former Born Again Christian Church goer.

“Because it will help improve your relationship with GOD.”  There it is. I hear the obvious answer again and surprisingly I’m more and more tolerant of being preached upon.

“I know. I will try.” I tell him in the hopes of convincing myself even of the slightest possibility.

 “You must rely on your own strength. Believe that you are the best.” An atheist tells me. It was lovingly convenient words. Words that scared more than it reassured me.

The light at the end of the tunnel gets dimmer and dimmer by the day and all I do is bathe in the darkness.

Fruits of Taking an IS Elective

Posing with a co-member of the African Union

 The delegate of the Democratic Republic of Algeria would like to commend the Model United Nations Simulation dated October 15, 2012 for Gender Law and Politics: Women's Rights Finals as it succeeded in tackling the current status of Women’s Access to Universal Health Care by participating UN countries and coming up with a consensus document that would address the said issues on a local, regional and global scale.

A Turd of a World

It's times like these I wish I was dead

In times like this I consider you as good as dead

It's times like this I don’t care if I'd go to hell

In this time of need I’d brutally murder the people who claim they care

As soon as I get a hold of that sacred cylinder shaped sheet

I’d run to finally taste a piece of heaven in a heart beat

Philippine Media still Watchdog of Society

The 25^th Anniversary of the Philippine Press Institute: Legacy of a Free Press was held at the Traders Hotel had our very own President of the Philippines, Benigno Aquino III as keynote speaker and respected media practitioners to talk about the media industry.

On its first day, the event was packed with media covering the event, media practitioners from various parts of the Philippines and student representatives from different Colleges and Universities to learn firsthand from the professionals themselves the state of our Media Industry in terms of its deficiencies and progress.

President Aquino in his Keynote speech gave a sort of lecture to the media about delivering balanced news.  He said that too many times, negative news overweigh the good news which could gravely affect tourism in the country. According to him, a foreigner friend of his who was keen on visiting the Philippines changed his mind when he found too much negative news occurring in the Philippines which he based from local media reports. Another important point that he raised was that media can be very hasty in releasing a story, never mind that it may be factually wrong so long as it sells. 

I was asked by a TV5 crew to react to PNoy’s speech and I answered, with so little time to gather my thoughts that there is indeed truth to the points PNoy raised. Oftentimes, especially in print media, stories can be exaggerated and this may be due to a characteristic of news that it has to be very unique or controversial in nature in order to gain buzz. I do agree however with Ms. Malou Mangahas, Executive Director of Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism who reacted on whether there is imbalance in news. According to her it’s not a question of positive and negative news but reporting the truth. It is true that I may not always like what I hear in the news but at least it is factual and I have a heads up on what really is going on out there so that I will be prepared rather than other types of governments whose media are gagged.

The Speech of the late Isagani Yugot, (PPI Trustee and Publisher of Philippines Daily Inquirer) entitled Media Accountability,  was read by Alexandra Prieto-Romualdez, President of Philippine Daily Inquirer. Yugot said, “The media, particularly in democracies are very powerful. But with great power goes a great degree of social responsibility and accountability. The media, to continue to enjoy the trust of the public, must be frank and transparent and open to criticism and it should be willing to submit itself to the same level of scrutiny that it subjects people and institutions to.”

The Filipinos because of our incompetent government agencies headed by corrupt officials is not trusted. In effect people would rather go to the media to seek help thereby empowering media. TV5 News and Public Affairs Head,  Luchi-Cruz Valdez said that at the time of Typhoon Ondoy, they along with other media networks were the ones who were giving relief goods to the victims and not one government agency was present to help.

If you want instantaneous results as in missing belongings left in taxi cabs you call radio stations and your chances of getting it back is much greater if not faster than reporting it to local police stations. If you have been wronged or if you weren’t served inefficiently by government employees or even private employees, you would call the Tulfo Brothers to speak out for you and only then will you be given the time of the day. It may be true that the end does not justify the means but I am thankful that such media personalities like them who are feared because they are dedicated to public service that  promise results. Scandals even involving the Church like the ‘Pajero Bishops’ story, had it not been reported, corrupt people responsible for it would still be enjoying luxuries that is not due them. I would say that media in general has been doing its job to be watchdogs of society. As a future media practitioner, I am excited to deliver objective stories that would ethically serve the public well and create a positive impact in the industry like the many multi-awarded media professionals who spoke on the first day of the 25^th Anniversary of the PPI.

Observing Invisibility

I distinctly remember it was the same boy: the same blank eyes, the same posture and procedure, the same face.

I take a jeep going home with a placard that says Angono, Antipolo Junction or Binangonan. Doesn't matter which jeep, but every time the jeep of choice halts to a stop light at the junction in Cainta, for those few seconds there is this boy whose estimated age would be four or five years old that would hand out envelopes to passengers. He doesn't choose passengers and he doesn't look them in the eye and he really doesn't hand it to them. He searches for available laps - people's laps in jeeps are usually occupied with bags so he places it on those. Sometimes it falls at the way he hands the envelopes and people don't care. At the thought that the child may well be part of a syndicate, I don't blame them. After handing about eight wrinkly envelopes, with illegible words on one side the boy sits by the entrance at the footrest of the jeep. He notices that I steal glances as I can see him adjust. I am seating by the entrance of the jeep so near to where he sits starring somewhere- maybe at the vehicle next to the jeep we were riding on, maybe at the traffic or maybe he stares at the very realization of what he is doing. Numbing himself at the expected void response of passengers when they hand him the envelopes or sometimes they don't and he's left to collect if by himself placed at their laps or on top of the bags on their laps and all are untouched and empty. He diminishes the negative thoughts but retains the blank facial expression. He thinks to himself that maybe if he would be given a chance he can become whatever he sets his mind to. He wants to be so much more than what he is doing now. At the change of the traffic light to green and almost in unison with the jeep as it moves slowly, the shoe-less boy hurries to take all the envelopes, the jeep moves fast inconsiderate of this boy's plight, scurrying off. The boy leaps off the jeep barefoot just before the jeep turns left.

He was the same boy. The same shoe-less boy. The same blank expression on his face. I remember distinctly.

 (May 19, 2011) -from my Tumbler

Typical Lunch with Barkada

Everyone was busy either eating, texting, worrying about TV production, cramming their names onto their brown envelopes, beautifying their penmanship when Lan said something. Barely no one was listening hence no one reacted. Everyone was preoccupied, or so I thought.

Letlet was eating rice with a viand of some sort when she began to laugh at what Lan said. Next thing I heard her coughing. Maan later said, “Uy may namamatay na.” I was like ,”Yey” and continued on texting our guest for TV Prod. After a few seconds Maan stood up and panicked to get water for Lets. Letlet was positioned in front of me and when I looked at her, she was all red in the face and was choking. Maan returned and said there was a long line so she couldn’t get water that time. Yana finally offered her water from her sports bottle. Everyone still went about their businesses after Letlet was finally able to breath. 

Letlet was teary eyed and still red while she accused us of not caring for her at her near death experience and future ones at that.

I told her, “well I thought you were just coughing and besides no one said anything funny for you to choke.”


Lunch break at MC. (June 28,2011)
from my tumblr

Reading Between the Lines

"You don't like him",  she says in a disappointed and accusatory tone.
"I didn't say I don't like him, I just said that I don't know him", I defensively say.

It was refreshing, the feeling of being liked and not the other way around. Refreshing to be linked to another male other than the cliche' male you got linked to way back in high school who you will not be giving another chance by the way, but that's a different story. The feeling of your friends teasing you with him. It's just like high school, only you know how to play the game better.

Flattery escaped my thoughts as soon my cautious and over-thinking-up-to-the-point-paranoid self warned me against such emotions worried of the fact that I may get hurt. I listened to it. I have no qualms once that self starts talking because It has always worked that way. I have always played safe, barely taking risks and wouldn't break conventions.

Going back to the guy liking me, I never told him I liked him. Never responded to his hi's (actually it was more second hand hi's as he never did it personally)in an encouraging way. How can I? It wasn't that appealing. I hoped though, at the back of my head, that he'd do something - not something fancy or anything but something real, sincere and well-thought-of that I would appreciate. It never came.

In his defense, he might say, 'Why would I put effort on a girl whose feelings I am not aware of, why gamble? In fact, why would I put effort on her, when I'm sure she doesn't like me.'

In my defense I say this, 'I am torn. When I say, 'Oh he likes me', it is immediately followed by, 'Wait, how much?' So how do you pacify the doubt and retain the excitement? Feed the excitement, so it may flourish to reciprocity after flattery, and who knows it may blossom into something more.

For the guy, what have you got to lose? Besides, time, money (hopefully) and energy? Those things aren't so bad losing considering that she may be 'the one'. Think of it as an investment. While we are at it, when you claim to like someone, don't you think that it's a perfect opportunity to be creative? You may discover another side of you that is artistic in nature. It's an opportunity to use logic, instead of wasting time doing analysis and strategies in playing DOTA, why not channel that to a perfectly crafted plan in getting 'the one' complete with reinforcements and back-up plans.

For a little effort, a little push, a little exertion, over the yes of the one you like, don't you think it's worth doing? At least you know at the back of your head that you tried, that you were sincere, you were a man. Because if you were sweet and sincere during the chase, I would say yes.

Then again, I may not have been liked that much to begin with - The harsh truth.

A stance

I engaged my dad in a debate yesterday regarding the RH Bill and I was so frustrated with him cutting me in mid-sentences so after I had my last say, I tapped the table separating us three times and loudly said, “Hay Nako!” at each tap.  

He said that my arguments are good and valid but I was not composed and if it were a competition I would lose to form over content.

It started with my question about liberalism and it led to a debate on the RH Bill.

At the time that I was a member of the debate society, I never encountered any motion regarding the RH Bill so I never really researched on the issue until, I became an Intern at the World Youth Alliance, Asia Pacific.

I wrote a paper regarding my stance months ago and it is still my stance.

(February 19, 2012)

What is the RH Bill?

The House Bill No.  4244 or the Responsible Parenthood, Reproductive Health and Population Development Act of 2011 has been renamed seven times in the last 13 years that is has continuously being pushed for and ever being debated upon.

To many, the bill is pro-poor as is it aims to create programs for them such as health care. But what is mainly being opposed in the bill is the provision on the program on modern family planning where contraceptives are introduced. Another controversial provision of the Bill is the sex education which elementary students from grade 5 to 4^th year high school will be receiving.

The main point that the RH Bill is seeking to drive through is the connection of overpopulation to poverty. The Philippines with a population of more than 100 Billion is said to be overpopulated and many have linked this fact to the poverty in our country with which the RH Bill seeks to resolve.

What is my stand on the proposed Bill?

Common sense. That is what everybody is saying when wanting to point out why the RH Bill is good for our country. “Common sense” say the authors of the Bill saying that a household should rightfully be given an informed choice especially if they know that they cannot anymore support an addition to a family of eight.  They say that access to contraceptives should be given to the poor as they are the ones who bear more than they can support – this is the battle cry of the bill.

On the issue of morality, the church is being attacked due to their opposition to the Bill with people even saying that the Church loves the poor because they are the primary financers of the Church and up to now still teaches, “grow and multiply”. It is even being substantiated by people saying that the poorest countries are those that are predominantly Catholic.

Rebutting people who are pro RH Bill who are saying that there is a link between overpopulation and poverty, I say that in the Philippines, we are not overpopulated but there is an overcrowding especially in the NCR region. The tendency of the people in provinces is to migrate to Manila in the hopes of better opportunities for them but because jobs are limited here, they end up not having jobs at all resulting to the rise of depressed areas. The government therefore should be creating a way for more job opportunities not only in the Manila area but in the provinces as well by allowing for investors may they be local or foreign to invest in the Philippines for the creation of jobs. If there are more job opportunities in the many regions of the Philippines, poverty will be eradicated.

In connection to people having job opportunities and poverty being eradicated, households now will be able to send their children to school as they have the money to support them and therefore an increase in the literacy rate of the Philippines. More people being educated means more people being given the chance to a brighter future. Because people are now educated they will become more informed and will plan, based on their education, the guidance from their parents and their religious beliefs how they will create a family of their own. Because people are empowered, not only will their actions be justified by their stand but they will indirectly contribute to growth of the economy without the implementation of the RH Bill.

On the issue on morality, I agree that the government and the church are separate institutions and the separation of the church and the state shall be inviolable with respect to the other religions practiced in the Philippines. The church may be stating their opposition to the Bill and it may matter to Catholics and it may not matter to non-Catholics but precisely the fact that we are coming from different religious backgrounds, an imposition such as the RH Bill should not be made into law because the government has no right to tell a person, a family or a sector of how they should run their families.

Beyond the faulty reasoning of those pro RH Bill, what are the values that they are promoting? Their disregard for the value of human life is the implication. Human life is important not because human life is equal to an economic entity but because humans are free, thinking beings with human dignity that should be respected and given due rights based on a clear understanding of human dignity.

The wrong values that the RH Bill promotes may hypothetically solve the problem of overpopulation but it may not necessarily eradicate poverty. It may teach people to bear a number which they can support but the degradation of the value of life will be evident as human beings are seen as a liability and not as a blessing. Education and empowerment of people should already be enough for the development and progress of a country and is set on targeting the core problem of our society and not just imposing a temporary solution that is bound to fail to a deep-seated problem.

An Update

*Exhales deeply

To be inspiring or not to be inspiring.

I didn't write for a really long time because of that dilemma. Here I am just to get my thoughts out of my head or I'll go crazy. I mean it. There's this feeling in my chest wanting to burst. Unwritten emotions. Unexpressed thoughts. Unsaid feelings. Finally I get to sit down and write.

So it's May 4 and I made a pact with myself that I would make 2 articles a day starting this month and since it's the fourth day of the month I owe my own blog 8 articles to be posted today or I ain't sleeping. I haven't really thought about topics/themes to write about so here comes my brain to enumerate, in a jiffy  what I would write about tonight. Just to be organized and so as to achieve my goal.

So as. As much. I have got to stop using that phrase 'so as'. Reminds me of this former blockmate of mine that I hate. I may have gotten it from her.

Guide: (May or may not be in order)

• Something I am really frustrated/angry about. Can be a person, phenomenon or food.
• Something I really am passionate about and will continuously pursue.
• A really rich experience.
• A trivia. Something that's really interesting I may have heard/read/watched that I need to research on and react upon.

Geeze. Four more.

• An improvement.
• Something I am really looking forward to.
• I got to write about a guy. I don't know who, but just to keep this blog spicy. Haha can't believe I said that. 
• The commute to and fro Makati. This may be interesting - well for me, so that I'll have reference in the future.

At least I have direction now. 

I created this blog for myself mostly because I've just gotten used to typing rather than writing and it's easier to erase words, sentences, once I've realized that I'm not content with it. It's just much more practical. This blog is not about a specific topic. It's just about me. My thoughts. I really don't like sharing it to people because:

a. It's really not that impressive. There are a billion blogs out there that are much more interesting than mine. I once gave a talk on blogging and researching on the subject, I don't pass the 'successful blogger' category. Wasn't really the authoritative person to talk about the topic now was I. According to my research, blogs have to be updated daily. It has to generate traffic, thus having many followers and allows for comments. Also, it has to have a consistent theme.

b. Apart from mine being a personal diary because I just won't write in paper. I am too restrained in this blog because I know people who know me will easily find this. I'm not trying to be very secretive but I don't actually want to be caught bad mouthing someone I know.

c. This nagging pressure that I have to be inspiring keeps getting to me. When I think of being inspiring, I think about kids. I think about people younger than me that can actually benefit from my writing. I love kids but I really am not all that goody-two-shoes all the time. I am a good person but I also feel like murdering people sometimes. Well, not really. Okay sometimes, but that's because I am a bit broken. Go figure. I do try my best to be sane, normal, to be loving and to just function excellently.

Well here goes nothing.

For your Ears

There are times when it’s okay.

Because everybody deserves another chance, because nobody’s perfect. because I don’t want you ruining my day, because of the mere reason that we are friends, because we are blood relatives, because I taught myself how to be civil at circumstances that are insidious and provocative.

There are times when it isn’t okay and I don’t confront. Especially when you are my friend, especially if you are family, especially when I have a deep respect for you but not at how you are acting. Because I value what we have been through, I cherish our conversations meaningful or not.

I tell myself, Life doesn’t have to be meaningful all the time. Each time I engage in a shallow conversation I die a little, and I tell myself why do I this?  Is it for the sake of preserving a friendship that isn’t built on truth in the first place?

What is truth?

In case you don’t know the truth because it hasn’t been that obvious or because you blanketed it with how you want to see it - in your favor. In case you don’t know I will tell for the benefit of all.

I get angry

When you choose not to be cooperative.

When you don’t give your 100 percent best.

When you sell yourself short.

When you avoid responsibility.

When you don’t set your priorities straight.

At your lack of direction.

I get sad

At how you take advantage of the fact that we are friends

At how you refuse to realize your shortcomings

At how you are so content with mediocrity

At how every time you don’t perform you drag us down with you

At how I can’t seem to be a good enough influence to you

When will you see and hear?

“It is in my nature”

“If you love me, you’ll accept me for who I am”

The first one is an excuse.

The second one is shrewdness.

Getting an A

A Public Relations Case Study Analysis

A Long Exam on the Constitution of the Philippines

A Documentary on the Malolos Constitution

A Report of Land Reform in the Philippines

A Thesis on the Impact of Word of the Lourd Program on Miriam College Students

A Play on Maya Angelou's book: Singin' and Swingin and gettin Merry Like Christmas

A Blog Post

A Weekly Report

A Conference Report

A Set of Answers to a Track Training

A PR Plan for a Summer Camp

A Set of Research for a Newsletter Issue

Another Company for OJT

An Integrated Advertising Plan

An Advertorial

A revision

A follow-up

A 2-minute Video

A motivation

A distraction

A deadline

Gratitude

Well what can I say? Thank you I guess.

Thanks for giving me a heads up, for making it clear.

That fine line between friendship and companionship, thanks for drawing the line.

I may not be the prettiest, the smartest, but I respect myself. Further more I respect others. I do not put down others by making snide remarks that may be funny for the moment but we all know is an attack to their self-worth. You think you are perfect? And please, if your excuse is constructive criticism, there is a huge difference, female dog. I am so sorry but I abide by the golden rule and if you think what you are doing is perfectly fine, you will meet someone who will be your match and who knows? it might be me? I get how you want to be on the top, who doesn't? I hope when you get there, you are happy. That's my direction as well, just a different route. You know, one where I won't step on others's self-worth. 

What can I say? 

Thanks for teaching me another life lesson: 

There those people who are real. There are real friends, genuine people. People who may not always talk to you but when they do, you know you are safe, from criticizing looks, whom when they see you, you feel accepted, respected, appreciated.

There are those people who seem like friends. Some may be nice for the sake of it. Out of obligation may be, out of civility may be, what ever social graces demand. There are those who use you. Not always materially, but use your time. Are really nice in the sense of being nice because they need you. Because for now, you are essential in their plan for greater heights and leave you hanging. Who looks at you and you know that they judge you. Thanks for making it clear for me that this is you. At least I'll be on my guard right? 

I have been through a lot in my life, a lot of hurts and disappointments and I don't need you to trample on what I have been trying very hard to rebuild.

Again, thank you.

Reason over Heart

It's better to have loved and lost rather than not to have loved at all.

I was ranting to Nina about random stuff when I told her something that I was thinking of. 

I always think about what's going on. Where am I? What am I currently doing? What should be done? How should I do it? When do I do it? Who are the stakeholders? The endless hows and justified by whys. Its both a blessing and a burden that this thinking capability us humans share. 

I always remember and recall history. How did I do today? Did I at least make someone smile? Did I piss someone of? I hope not. Did I act correctly? Did I forget something? Did I miss something? I wonder what's going in her/his head. How sure can I get and how wrong can I get. Worries and doubts haunt our nature to care about the feelings of fellows.

I always dream. I dream about how I'll do it. I dream about the end of the road, although its a bit blurry, if I focus my senses properly, it will become clear. The moment I think about love, its like a vast amount of ice cold water is thrown at me before I even fall in the ocean. I get a taste of the worse case scenario so that when I would start to dip myself in the ocean I wouldn't be surprised. So that I won't feel cheated. But the sad thing is, I haven't even experienced swimming in the ocean. I know the basics of swimming but I don't want to go to the deep side. I won't take the risk. Even if I find out I do good there. Even if it's pleasurable, I refuse to find out for myself because I think that that ice cold water thrown at me is enough reason to stay put and don't go swimming at all. Because I know it's safer, because I won't get hurt having to try. Because I love myself to much that I built this thick barricade of metal so that in case of a death threat, I wouldn't have to try to hard to defend myself even if there's no assurance that it is an actual safe guard. 

Is it really self love? Because if I do love myself then why do I deprive myself of potential emotional satisfaction. It's a cycle and it's because I claim to love myself too much.

Alive but not Awake

Time beats so fast my body can't help but surrender to it's own plea.

I stare at something out the window and my energy is drained as I sit and spectate.

Looking away I finally listen, stare and keep quiet.

I move past at the sight of the cracked paint on the walls.

Darkness is my sanctuary as I lay on a patch of blue of the same room.

If not now when?
If not me who?