A Monday

The significantly low temperature made me think twice about getting out of bed. Wrapped up in my wool blanket curled in a fetal position with my cheek against my pillow, my bed was the ultimate temptation for sleeping in. I still had to get up though. It's the first Monday of the new year after all.

The sun was behind an array of grey clouds. As if that wasn't gloomy enough, my call time at work is at 9am and only at exactly 9am sharp do I leave the house. What an utter disregard for the cliche 'new year, new me' anthem. I was never one to draft new year's resolutions anyhow.

I bid my lola good bye and kiss her cheek as is the usual routine every morning before I leave work.
She watches by our gate until I get a pedicab. As the pedicab makes a u-turn headed towards the gate of our village I wave and smile at her.

I am now left to myself and this is how it is every five days a week for an hour or so of commute. An hour of contemplation if not reading in between commutes -the latest conquest being Erich von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods.

The pedicab ride to get to our subdivision's gate takes around five minutes in one straight street as our house's. The wind was blowing strongly that day. The driver was silent. I usually look ahead, breathing in whatever oxygen the assortment of trees on our street can offer before the pollution whacked at me by pujs.

I then see a police officer questioning the newspaper vendor at the right side of the street. I look left and see another police officer questioning three residents outside their home. The pedicab continue to drive past and I see a group of people crowded at the left side of the street. They had blank faces that expressed solemnity. I look right and a fewer number of people were looking at the other side and some at me having the same blank faces. I look left again and then I immediately got goosebumps at what I saw.

In front of the bakery was a corpse under a tan colored sheet. There was a motorcycle three meters left of the corpse and it between the motorcycle and the corpse was a middle-aged woman of Middle Eastern descent crying and a Middle-aged man kneeling by her knees facing her, crying as well. I look at the corpse again and I see bright red blood oozing from his head. Splattered on the floor are brain meat.

Looking away, I felt disgust at how humanity can be so cruel. A witness to a violation of what separates man from animal, though shocked, a surprising calmness blanketed my fear. Selfish as it might seem, a bit detached I must admit, I had to be calm and not entertain thoughts of fear. I have got to get used to a world where man has the capacity to either be pure or evil. I had to be ready, I still had to go to work, I still have to live and it's just the beginning of the week.

A Principle

I woke up to screams in the middle of the night. I was six years old vacationing in Brunei where my parents worked. I got up from the comfortable queen-sized bed I was sleeping in. I saw my dad standing by the door of the walk-in closet. He was pointing aggressively at my mother with his devil-like face shouting angrily at my mom. I walked past him and saw my mom seated at the floor of the walk-in closet, her eyes all swollen. I sat at her lap. I didn't know what to do, It was difficult to understand. I just knew that I had to remember to make light of it someday.

I climbed up to the second story of my Lola's house in Bicol. I was still six. I climbed up to tears. My mothers'. She was sitting on a cushion at the hallway. My Lola, along with my Titas and Titos surrounded her sympathetically. My dad was standing in the middle, once again with his devilish face, roughly pressing his point-finger at my mom and angrily uttering hurtful things. I forgot what I did, I forgot what was said, but I remember the sad, concerned faces. I remember my mom's reddish face from her continious crying. That I could remember.

I was in first grade and woke up one day to news of my dad to be deported from Brunei because he beat up my mom again but someone had to the courage to report it to authorities. Only then did I understand.

Upon comprehension are emotions I strongly felt; I felt relief and anger. At least he can't hurt her anymore. At least she won't cry anymore. She can cry of other reasons but not from pain caused by someone who was supposed to love her.This was was relief. I also felt a nagging feeling of anger towards my dad. Maybe because I wanted to understand why he did those things. I wanted to know why he was capable of doing hurtful things to my own mom and his own love. I wanted to know why a thinking human being would be so adamant and primitive to be able to inflict physical and verbal pain on someone he is supposed to love. I felt anger and shame at the fact that he is my dad. Why did he have to be my dad I remember recalling.

I grew up to a dysfunctional family. I have five half siblings and one full sibling. We all grew up together at my Lola's on my mother's side. All our dads were absent up to a certain point that is. My eldest kuya seperated from his wife. His wife cheated on him and now has another family. He on the otherhand is with a girlfriend right now. Second to our eldest, another kuya also seperated. He cheated on his wife and is currently building a different family now.

I used to believe in forever. I used to believe in the ideal. When I say I don't believe in marriage, it's not because I don't want to be tied-up. It's not because I want to sleep around but it is because I don't believe in forever. Nobody respects the sanctity of marriage anymore at the rate of people getting legally seperated, annulled and divorced. So let's save the money, the time and effort. Let's save the heartache and not commit in forever because there is no such thing.

If a person is willing to stick it out with me forever that'll be a gem. If the idea of dating me forever doesn't appeal to you, I won't stop you. If you want to have kids, build a family, don't let me stop you from your dream. I just don't ever want to wake up and be the one crying and be the object of screams.

Best Trip Ever / Maan's Pamamanhikan

Of  Tuna Sandwiches

Dean: Para san uli yung Diatabs? Kailangan ko eh.

Carlo: May cr ba dito?

Prof. Joey: Nakita ko pinakain nila sa *whispers* yung tirang tuna spread.

Carlo: Oh may hike uli, baka itapon nanaman ni Joey yung cucumber.

Me: Malapit na ako magtayo ng tuna sandwich business.

Prof. Joey: Dapat sa bundok ang location mo para wala kang competition. 

Of Man's Bestfriend

Marvin: Pwede ba ang gulay sa aso?

Patrick: Oo. Chocolate lang naman ang nakakamatay sa aso eh.

Dean: Pera nalang kung saksakin mo. Tignan lang natin kung hindi mamatay 'yan.

Prof. Joey: Ba't naman diyan pa sa gitna ng kalye nagkamot yung aso.

Dean: Sa sobrang kati kasi okay lang kahit mamatay na siya, makamot lang.

Of Male Homosexuality

Dean: *gestures Oh no you didn't hand gesture*
Me: Galing mo. Sana naging bakla ka nalang.
Maan: Please?
Marvin: Pasaway ako nun sa work eh. Di ako pumapasok. Sabi ng boss ko, ibibigay daw niya ang lahat pumasok lang ako.

Of Dean's Age

Dean: Grabe. Akala ni Carlo at Prof. Joey 26 na ako.
Me: Bakit? Ilang taon ka na ba?
Dean: *walks out*

Of MJs

Dean: Ano feeling ng high?
Maan: Habang nagkkwento ka, alam mo yung sa movies? Yung naka timelapse yung mga boring and insignificant scenes, parang ganon.
Dean: Wow. Boring and insignificant? That's me! Ako yun! Guys, ba't niyo pa ba ako sinama?

Hike to Mt. Palay Palay/Pico de Loro

Jump by Van Halen up and under. Fade from black: Maan, Marvin, Dean and yours truly in a circle: serious, silent, avoiding eye contact and stretching without team coordination. Eye contact commences. Cut to group laughter.

The hike was at Mt. Palay Palay in Maragondon, Cavite where the famous Pico de Loro is located on the fateful day of the 28th of September.

From our meet-up point, we, the awesome foursome rode an fx to Ayala costing Php45. From Ayala we rode a bus to get to Coastal Mall which cost Php12. We then rode another bus headed for Ternate, Cavite at Php82. Next mode of transport was a tricycle headed for DENR Maragondon costing Php300. Registration fee cost Php20 and about an hour into the hike we had to pay another Php25 registration fee for the community.

The trail was conveniently easier compared to that of Mt. Sembrano's. The pressure of having to reach the summit and getting down from it in 3 hours, as was the fastest time of one of Marvin's hikes with his friends was what was daunting.

We occasionally stopped to eat banana and talked about a wealth of topics: How Ebe Dancel's music is solid, the PDAF scam, politically apathetic students revealed by an episode on WOTL, Barangay Elections, a recently discovered extreme sport called bouldering, social science experiments, mixed-martial arts, marathon running, yoga, the belief in aliens and douche-bags at the office.

Upon reaching the summit, at 664 meters above sea level,the monolith -a giant rock formation shaped as its name -Parrot's beak is instantly seen along with the view of Caraballo Mountains northward, Nasugbu Batangas due south, Maragondon to the east and South China Sea due west.

I've set my mind to not climbing the monolith and true to my word, I didn't and was in charge over watching our belongings while my three compadres braved it.

Five minutes into waiting alone, another group of four people stumbled upon me whilst I was waiting under my umbrella, they were Rod, Carlo, Prof. Joey and Jessie. A group of people our age, with better camera. :)

(c) Prof. Joey

Both groups were instant friends and we hiked downhill to get to the waterfalls where Marvin guided us to.

After they cooled off at the waterfall, we happily hiked through the familiar terrain headed for the jump-off point at DENR, freshened up and partook of my tuna sandwich baon and headed for home sweet home.

Hike to Mt. Sembrano

We did say that hiking was going to be a monthly activity for our group. We failed to take into consideration our workload, the availability of friends and the weather condition.

Nonetheless we have successfully hiked again and reached the summit of Mt. Sembrano located in Pililia, Rizal.

Although Nina and Letlet weren't present, we were blessed enough to be accompanied by four people who have made the hike worthwhile and most importantly, safe.

Of my El Hombre buddies, Maan was the only one up for the challenge. Nina claimed that she was, except that she had an "interview" that very same day. Letlet refused to be coerced into coming, asserting that she can't in retrospect to her fainting and barfing on our hike to Mt. Tagapo.

Maan and I hiked with Keneth, a high school classmate and his friend Keen who despite having a torn ACL bravely served as our guide. According to him, it's his fourth climb to Mt. Tagapo. The two others were Marvin, a friend of Keen who intimidated us with his Vibram shoes. He said it's ideal for hiking because the grip on the ground is much more firm, as if one is barefoot. His friend was Yayi, who has hiked seven times already this year. She's a nice Bicolana who works as an accountant but claims she's not good with handling her own money.

From our village, we took a jeep headed to Tanay Market costing Php38. Upon reaching the market Keneth had breakfast at the local karenderia, Marvin and Yayi bought bread at a bakery. Keneth and Keen were heavy smokers so I always saw them smoking.

We then rode a jeep headed to Pililia Rizal and had ourselves dropped off at the Malaya Barangay Hall. We then registered our names and contact numbers and paid Php20 each. We set off for our hike at 6:45am. Getting to Mt. Sembrano were houses and a concrete road that was steep. I had to catch my breath and about 3 minutes into walking I joked that it was time for us to go down and go home.

There was a point in our hike where there were locals riding a horse with baskets attached to the sides. We paused and positioned ourselves on the sides first. Maan miscalculated her position and was still hit by the basket attached to one horse. Good thing she held on to Keneth and me for support. She told me later on that she got bruised.

I don't know what maneuver I did but for some reason, the buckle to one strap of my backpack got broken. Unluckily, it was the point where we had to go down from a plain part of the mountain, where fresh bukos are available for Php10, to a narrow pathway to have lunch near a mini-waterfall. I was able to balance the backpack successfully on one shoulder, credits to Yoga tree pose I've been doing. :))

Reaching the mini-falls, we settled at a dry spot of boulders to where I shared my famous-baon-for-hikes-tuna-sandwich to my newfound hike buds. After eating, ingeniously fixing my backpack, getting to know each other more and resting, we decided to continue to head to the peak but not before I grabbed on to a rock which had a hairy caterpillar planted unto it. It stung and I took off the little hairs that clung to my right ring finger and paddled my right hand unto the streaming water. As they say in Filipino, Malayo iyan sa bituka.

One weird thing that happened to us was finding an unopened bottle of rum about 10 minutes before reaching the peak. It was just lying there by the grass and we left it exactly where we saw it.

All exhaustion we felt was momentarily forgotten upon reaching the peak and in savoring the view of Laguna de Bay surrounding Mt. Sembrano.

Ticked Off

It’s funny when people think so high of themselves and suddenly become experts on how to run other's lives
I don’t deserve being told off; you’re not my parents to give me unsolicited advice

The reason I feel attacked maybe is because we aren't even close
Feeling choked, any motive of concern becomes blurred of course

If I'm making a mistake, let me make it, let me learn
If you raise your voice on me, don’t expect me to be nice in return

If you are speaking out of jealousy, I’m sorry, I thought you were gay
A hint that nothing’s ever going to happen between us, I’m not desperate, got that? Okay.

Let’s go back to being acquaintances - if it’s personal I’m not sharing it to you
I’m sorry I thought you were my friend....well awww, BOOHOO

Enough is Enough

We saw each other, talked, ate, hung out like regular buddies do

I'm the leading man in the story and my lady-in-waiting isn't even Orlando Bloom

Why the hell do I even bother inviting him to group activities as an excuse to hang out

Repaid with reasons why he can't, it's okay to be a man about it, it is your sex for crying out loud

I don't deserve him, I don't deserve what I'm doing to myself

Used my heart at the expense of self-respect now what's left is an empty shelf

Enough is enough. I'm not rewinding back to scene one

The second act is supposedly more interesting, it stares a different man 

Our story wasn't that of love 

The credits can now roll

Pining for Someone

Four years after, I'm still holding on to that letter
I'm sitting in the office wishing love was so much simpler

Hearing the romantic symphony play, nervously I head the dance floor and though awkward, I start
Breathing deeply, talking to myself: 'If we only had the courage to dance to the beat of our heart'

Timing was a concern then with you I don't know what it is now
I know I'm not perfect and still I muster enough courage to be honest somehow

I'm saying my peace, praying for enlightenment on whatever there might be between us
Tell me if I need to move on and start entertaining other guys

In the attempt to soften this stubborn and rigid heart of mine
I think of you and I pine for the absent, the vague and indeterminate, convincing myself that I'm fine

Please don't mind my reaction and just be honest with what you feel
I can take whatever your answer will be, after all I did wait for four years

The Sound of Love

The soundtrack to one of my favorite films - Submarine. The perfect background music whilst doing scripts. Happy Wednesday World :) 

Gratitude Journal Day 1: Learning to Relax

It's has been tough at work last week but this week will have no more tears shed: only sweat from hard-work. This week, I will be mindful, focused and extra-helping to my co-workers.

Revisiting the concept of gratitude in Positive Psychology is the gratitude journal that in essence are daily writings of 5 things one is grateful for. This practice, has been highly associated with one's capability to be happy.

Today I'm grateful for the following:

1. My dad who has ever been so patient with me. I know I can be very demanding, defiant and rude especially towards him but he never fails to patiently remind me to relax, to savor whatever enjoyment I can get out of a frustrating situation.

2. Relaying my frustrations about work to my dad, the feedback I got was to be professional. If there are comments from my bosses about my output, I shouldn't take it personally but instead offer alternatives and other solutions to be able to attain the desired results.

3. My sister, has reminded me that part of the process of one's professional life is stress which may involve crying and egos flaring depending on how one handles it, but the final output will be worth it if a team is willing to work hard.

4.I'm glad for that phone call from Kate. She reminded me to support our friend Jam who's running for a Kagawad position in the upcoming Barangay Elections. She also reminded me of the other job opportunity awaiting me and I'm deeply thankful for her thoughtfulness and concern for my career path.

5. I'm thankful to my Lola who kindly gathered and folded the clothes I washed earlier this morning while we went out to do the grocery. She will always be one of the best persons in the world for me.